Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
