It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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