I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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