im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
