When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
