fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
