I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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