the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
