captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
