I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
