The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
be right there i have to get my cape
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
