Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
