Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
