help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
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Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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