Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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