You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
