cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
