I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
