Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
