In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
