Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
