I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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