My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
