fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
