this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found puke in my bra..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
