My Higher Power is John Stamos
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
