dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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