Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
