You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I puked a lego.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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