john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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