I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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