I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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