We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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