I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
