And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
