Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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