Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I want is dick and wine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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