never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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