I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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