Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
