My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
