You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize