From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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