Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
