i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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