Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
