Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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