Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
