I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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