hotel room ftw
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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