we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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