If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drake has all the answers
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
