I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
