i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
