I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
