Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
