Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
