I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I AM VODKA MAN
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
