your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
