omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize