He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My ass is underappreciated
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
