At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
