weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
