This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
