Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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