It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
