Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
