This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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