i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
