Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
