Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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