when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
