so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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