I want to have your abortion
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
