who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
