Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
